ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
