there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
