Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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