I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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