Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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