So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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