Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize