she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
