i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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