I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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