That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
