I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We left the knife in your bed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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