i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
