Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
