thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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