He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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