I heard we made out
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
