listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sobbing to NWA
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
