remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
