i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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