Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
