I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
