16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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