When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
