hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
