she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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