I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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