Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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