i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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