I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
