she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
