maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
