please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
