I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize