Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
