he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
