either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
