i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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