So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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