Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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