how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
