why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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