Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
