hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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