You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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