i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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