we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
