U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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