Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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