make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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