were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
