you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
