Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
