I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
