I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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