just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
