i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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