If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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