he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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