Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
