if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
