I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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