I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
