If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
