I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i need some magic done to my vagina
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
