Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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