just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
