Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
