I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
