before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
