he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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