apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
